Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix95
For many years I've noticed this subtly but over time it gradually becomes a bigger problem in my life, and now I am at the point where it has completely consumed me. I don't know much about my peer's relationships with their own set of friends but I imagine what I'm going through is not normal, as I don't directly notice (or subtly notice either) any negative reactions on their behalf to indicate they are suffering from what I am suffering from.
The struggle I am experiencing is that I am extremely isolated. I moved to a city for a promotion and got the promotion, but at the expense of not knowing anyone here. Over the past year and a half I have experienced extreme difficulty in meeting people. I am taking active steps to socialize and develop friendships but I have noticed here that it is usually one-sided. After experiencing this I began to look back on my own past friendships and discovered the same pattern.
Some things I am trying to do in order to get out and meet people include offering to go out for wings/beer/sushi with two of the only real friends that I have; going out by myself on my days off and having a beer at a pub; not wearing headphones when I'm outside anymore (nobody can talk to you if you can't hear them).
People put walls up in public. It's a natural thing to do of course, but you can really see it if you know where to look. Just try very briefly and casually, smiling at someone on the bus. In my experience you get a horrified look. They tense and wait for the physical attack. You've just ruined their day.
As a result of isolating myself (I had to move here for a promotion, and now I'm in a city where I don't know anybody who is willing to be a real genuine friend), I've had to rely more heavily on social networking sites. On FB I've noticed that almost all of my friends refuse to respond to me. I've discussed this with others and they scoff at me for being insensitive and not understanding that people have lives of their own. I'm sorry, but when it says that they have seen your message, and they take literally weeks to get back to you, or not at all, and this happens on a regular basis, not a fluke, yet they have more than enough time to make status updates and comment on photos, it is clear as day. They purposefully refuse to respond to you.
I can not help but feel that I am just whining about this, but I really do not believe that this is genuine friendship. I have been very slowly over the past month convincing myself that these people are not good enough for me and do not deserve me. I'm so sick of feeling rejected by the people I once thought were my friends. I suppose the purpose of me writing this rant is to get feedback on specific steps I could take to either make myself more approachable or perhaps things I could do to increase the likelihood that I will meet more people.
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Hey, I have had problems with people not replying on Facebook as well. Then they say, oh their kid was on their account or something. However, when some of them got back to me, they told me about tough times they were going through. They told me about break ups or divorce or suffering in general. These people you know on there may be experiencing stuff that is true. Yes they should tell you, "I'm going through some stuff can we talk later?", but they may not have those kind of communication skills.
The more you try, the more likely you will meet people. Do you eat in the break room at work for lunch? You might want to do that and ask how people are doing and introduce yourself. Ask how their day is going..just small talk at first. Maybe you are eager for a friendship, but they are weary and need to take things slow.
The cultural dialect and mannerisms may be different as well. As an example if you moved from Texas (a generally friendly type of state with people who are at the very least curtous to others) then you move somewhere else you may be judged for "being" certain ways, like "overly friendly" or whatever other labels that people wanna stick on you. Maybe the problem is they are judging you before they really get to know you. Maybe if you show them you are just there to make some friends and do your job correctly, then they will slowly open up.
I think we have to think of our own need at times, but people are being inconsiderate to you by not responding. That fly's all over me too. Just know that there really could be a legitimate reason for that.