upon reaching home from work today i was in shambles... in a wreck.. started crying (which is kinda good since i havent been able to cry) and the racing negative thoughts never seemed to stop.. that "i was useless, i'm the one to blame, i should go" kinda thing. is starting to si again and sui thoughts are on a rampage. pdoc + T is a long time away and i don't want to see them again for anytime soon. never.

it all boils down to this, huh? either i'm feeling confused, or feeling super down? never okay...