20broken17 - Things that should make you happy are just things. They can't change how you feel. They can't take away your depression.
Knowing that I have been suicidal, my T almost always ask if I am. In the beginning I would say no, but then one day after leaving our session I felt guilty that I was lying by omission, so I emailed her and told her that while I wasn't suicidal I did think about it often. She replied "thinking and acting are 2 different things". But she would like me to let her know when I was thinking about it so we could talk about it. She didn't feel I needed to be hospitalized again.
I do have a strong relationship with her and I am an adult so I have HIPAA on my side. I haven't given her permission to talk to anyone about my condition, and if she did she would risk a malpratice suit and potentially her license to practice.
Assuming you are a US citizen, if you are 18 or older you are considered an adult and therefore you are protected under HIPAA. When you first met with your T did you or your mother sign the HIPAA agreement? Talk to your T about your privacy rights. You may be surprised.
It sounds like your mom is a pretty good mom. She recognizes you have a mental illness that needs treatment and she is doing what is best for you. Hearing you say she would freak out tells me how much she loves you. There are many moms out there that would leave their children flounder, telling them to get over it. You are very fortunate she is there for you and loves you.
Either way, I encourage you to talk with your T through this period of depression. If you are still age of minority you could tell your T how you are feeling and ask if she needs to tell your mom. If she does you could ask that she do it during one of your sessions so that your T can explain to your mom what is happening, you can hear what your T is saying, you can say anything you want to say and hear your mother's concerns. The 3 of you could come up with an agreeable plan if things should become worse.
You're mom really cares about you as does your T. They all want what's best for you. Try to trust them.
When I have something difficult I need to share with my T I always write down what I want to say. That way I'm sure I say everything I need to say. I know if I can't say it she can read it.
Quick story - I don't have much of a relationship with my mother and I made sure she didn't know anything that was going on with me. I was in treatment for 9 years and had several physical conditions that required hospitalization and even surgery and she knew nothing.
I changed my Pdoc, for reasons I will not go into, and through many sessions she finally convinced me to tell my mother. It took me a while to write down everything I thought she needed to know and went over it with my Pdoc. I had her come to one of my sessions and I read exactly what I wrote. I deferred most of her questions to my Pdoc. I still don't have a much of a relationship with my mother and I don't know if I ever will. I know somewhere in that woman she loves me; I am her child. And I know somewhere inside me I love her, she gave birth to me.
You are your mother's child and SHE LOVES YOU DEARLY. Please ask for the help you need. PLEASE!!!