It is hard when (if) your moodswings decide For you what you're going to think/feel/believe during that cycle, to get to know your True self ; what it is you really want out of life, & how much is just the "illness"speaking for you & through you! Especially when each mood has a way of justifying and validating itself at that moment. I myself have had episodes over a few things, that even when I was "in the moment", I could Tell I was being irrational & Knew it was over something so trivial & that I was making a huge ordeal over nothing, & yet I was unable to stop myself. Like one of my favorite comedians said, "I had the RIGHT to remain silent.....but I didn't have the ability!" Does any of this sound like what you're going through?