I feel that I should feel, but I don't genuinely feel

Its a mind puzzler unless you are in my head and experience my thoughts and reality. I feel that I should feel like horrible person because my wife was having a health issue (got dizzy lightheaded and really hot). Instead of feeling sympathy and concern for her I got pissed that she called me. That she had the nerve to feel ill. I'm the only person that matters. I don't feel sick so no one else should either. What is wrong with her thinking that she's sick and might need to go to the hospital? Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I'm pretty sure that it is, but I don't really care. This is my reality. Maybe I am just a cold heartless *****. Should I let myself feel what I feel or should I try to force the feelings I feel I should feel, but don't feel? I'm rambling, but this is how my head is working.

Tig

I 100% relate. My husband has nerve damage that had been giving him back pain for about a year. In this year we have had to go to the ER once a month because he was in too much pain. I get unbelievably angry every time. I can't stand hearing him complain about his back. I don't want to hear about the pain he is in. I get blind with rage when he mentions it. And it's always been like this - every time he is in severe pain I get so pissed when we have to go to the ER I hate myself.

I'm not sure why it bothers me. I guess I feel he is just being weak. Which is largely what I feel about myself when I comes to my mental pain so I'm probably projecting.

Anyway I just wanted to say I understand.

Totally relate,but in a different situation.

What I get is "why don't you ever smile". What, like I am obligated to smile? Hubby nags and nags about it. I just want him to shut up about it. I get so angry because it makes me feel as though I have a smile quota that I have to reach each day. If you want to see smiles, go to the circus

One thing that my BP has helped me appreciate is the difficulty of objectively knowing what another person is experiencing. I will never have the complete picture. This has made it easier for me to not "judge" others, and to not feel guilty if I don't feel "things" that I "should" feel. All I can try is to be as considerate as I can, to the best of my abilities. Furthermore, my emotions don't make me a "good" or "bad" person, and they are not an indicator of my character. If anything, my BP makes me place less value on my transient, turbulent emotions than I do on my long-term thoughts (especially those which are formed during my more stable psychological periods).

Good luck with everything, Tigersassy, and I wish you and your family the very best.

Yeah. I get this too.

Tig

Its one of those things that I don't understand and it scares me because someone could be dying and I wouldn't care I'd be annoyed. I don't know what to do other than bring it up to my therapist but she won't offer anything constructive. Last time I was getting pissed she told me to practice patience. Like I wasn't already trying that.

Tig

I think you should allow yourself to feel the feelings and think the thoughts through and through, without self-censorship. Look, you are basically complaining of the inability to feel compassion. What is compassion? Feeling somebody's pain and suffering. Well, if you cannot allow yourself to feel your own feelings, how on Earth will you graduate to feeling something another person is experiencing?

Sent from my SGH-T889 using Tapatalk

True hamster. My problem is normally I have no problem with compassion. I often get told I'm too soft. How can I go from one extreme to another? I know no one has answers and its up to me, but I'm lost and confused.

Tig

Wise words.

With my bipolar/depression (depression being more frequent) I have just recently noticed a pattern with my moodswings. I'm starting to notice that when my Moods change, my Thoughts do too. Like, stable; things are my normal- I like/love all the the things I "KNOW" I did/do.
depressed; I dislike/doubt /distrust & am suspicious of all those things.
Manic; Everything pisses me off! I become enraged, potentially violent. It all turns to hate. And the only thing that matters is "setting everyone & everything straight" be it ending a relationship or telling someone off without any regard to their feelings or the repercussions of my actions or words.
Only to realize when I'm stable, that what MY MOOD dictated me to do, wasn't what I really wanted at all. I always used to think that "what I was thinking about" caused my moods to change, not the other way around. I'm now in the process of training myself to think about what's important to "stable me"when I'm in an episode in an attempt to try to gain more control over my behavior.
Could your mood be controlling your thoughts /feelings too??

I'm almost certain that they are.

I just don't know how I feel. My nurse hadn't used any labels other than depression. Today during a discussion he brought up that its possible this is a mood disorder but that need to come from my psychiatrist and it'll take time to determine what exactly. I know I suspected this, but that doesn't mean I want it to be true. Therapy tomorrow should be fun. Unless she makes me mad again.

Tig

It is hard when (if) your moodswings decide For you what you're going to think/feel/believe during that cycle, to get to know your True self ; what it is you really want out of life, & how much is just the "illness"speaking for you & through you! Especially when each mood has a way of justifying and validating itself at that moment. I myself have had episodes over a few things, that even when I was "in the moment", I could Tell I was being irrational & Knew it was over something so trivial & that I was making a huge ordeal over nothing, & yet I was unable to stop myself. Like one of my favorite comedians said, "I had the RIGHT to remain silent.....but I didn't have the ability!" Does any of this sound like what you're going through?

Yes! So many times its like I can look at what is happening tell that its "wrong" (delusional or whatever) but it doesn't stop it. It keeps on going along and I have no chance of changing the thought pattern. Thank you.

Tig