Well, I do little things like staying thin, and shaving my face. I think I look 'not bad at all'. Just last night i had a dream where I magically got long hair from nowhere. I have grown long hair before, I just have it really short right now.

I had a little wardrobe a few years ago, sold them all out of fear and guilt.

My nightmares usually involve me turning into some 'alpha male' with muscles and stuff. I seriously don't want that. I just hate feeling 'butch'. I think I have a nice body right now, so don't want lose it.

The only thing that really keeps me going is my imagination and my fantasies.

Thanks for the feedback, I need to find ways to slowly 'inject' a few unisex or feminine things into my style, slowly so I don't raise too many eyebrows at once. I wish I had a more accepting bunch of people around me.