I posted earlier about a girl I had to break it off with and we understood and we said we could be friends. It was a long distant relationship and her mother passed.

I went and screwed it up. I regretted it but never ask to try to try again or anything. She went distant as expected and didnt respond anymore. I have problems with fear of rejection and abandoment issues although I am the one who called it off. Basically I blew her phone up and acted hurt, pressured etc.

I have borderline personality disorder and I am a 38 year old male, and I cant shake it and cant make relationships work at all and all I want is a family. It way to rough when I expose myself and truly push girls away of fear. I cant trust either.

Today I scared myself. I wrote a 5 page suicide note and still want to do it but cant bring myslef to do it.