Amelia, I have read many of your posts. They are just fine. I often am confused at those who correct you because I don't perceive a problem. I also think you fit in just fine with American ideas.
In the US, I have found that the Northeast is more direct than other parts of the country, where language and criticism are gentler and easier on one's feelings.
My T says that doing therapy is the constant interplay between "support" and "challenge." And the therapist must navigate the two, intuiting when which is needed.
In my personal life, I've always sought out those who would challenge me.
My worldview is that the world is not a cushy place full of pillows and soft blankets. The world is filled with sharp edges. It's ok to seek places of refuge, but all refuge all the time doesn't prepare us for the spikes.
With my children, I am constantly trying to find this balance between empathy and tough love.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelia112
I was wondering, as I read through some of the threads this morning - and rereading some of my own threads...
How do you distinguish on here (and in real life) between what is "good" support and perhaps "not so good" support? I find it difficult sometimes when I read something (or hear something in RL) and I want to give support but it might not be exactly what the person wants to hear. And I feel wrong encouraging something that - when I take all individual circumstances out of the equation - perhaps may benefit from a different perspective.
In my real life, I am being taught by my therapist but also other people around me, that it is important to a person's growth to step up sometimes and tell the truth as they see it. (Or hear the truth as others see it..)
For me personally, I sometimes find responses that are not exactly what I want to hear much more helpful than those who validate my feelings without perhaps questioning them. For my very own development it was imperative to experience "tough love" at times, people telling me straight that I was wrong And I was/am wrong a lot of times, haha 
But I do find this a difficult topic, especially on here sometimes. Do you sometimes feel this way? Like you want to help and you think you may have some insight but then you don't because you're afraid it might be seen as unsupportive? What is the right support, especially on here?
Thanks for your responses
Amelia |