Whoa!! Please don't be so hard on yourself! You are not a selfish indulgent failure. And all those stupid people you read about are not "perfect, wonderful successes". Mostly, (believe me) what they brag about is fabrication.

So you eat. Maybe too much, in your view. You have an eating disorder. So do I. this is not your fault. You can get help...it's out there. Try to relax and look at things with a more realistic eye. Are you really eating that much? I'll bet you aren't. I think I eat too much when in reality I don't take in many calories a day.

Take care of yourself. Message me if you'd like to talk. I care.