HH – thanks so much for that. ‘Textbook version of a therapist’ is a good description: it’s not a bad version per se, but it’s a change from the head-on engaged, deeply human version I’m used to.

I especially appreciate your sharing that you’ve felt like you dreamed your past dynamic. That was a strong part of the feeling for me – so disorienting and upsetting. And when I’m in the depressive pit, I’m much more fragile and sensitive to every real or imagined nuance, which only adds to the disorientation.

I’ve told him a number of times that I’d always appreciate extra sessions if he ever had a free hour, but maybe having a standing request isn’t good enough. Maybe I should be more specific about when I need extra help.

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On that note, I wanted to thank everyone again for their help with this. It really helps to hear that others have had such similar experiences. Not only in a misery loves company way – though that takes some of the sting of the aloneness away – but also I’ve learned a lot from everything you all have said and suggested. I’m glad I brought my trouble to the table. It wasn’t easy for me. Thanks!