Apparently, I don't. And it just makes me so nervous that I'll never have any real life friends. My therapist and I have been talking about this, and it seems that I've been missing hints from people that would've spared me a great deal of heartache, or otherwise helped me to blend in more easily. What I don't understand is, it's not like I would even consider myself highly socially dysfunctional or whatever you want to call it. I don't get too close to people, Heaven forbid; I don't keep talking to someone when they don't seem interested, I hardly talk at all unless I'm invited to or find that I might have something to contribute to the situation; and in general I try to give off a friendly, accepting, humorous vibe. Then again, it seems like there've been a couple of times recently where I really thought the person was interested in me, only for me to be utterly ignored and forgotten later. I thought that I picked up on something just briefly, i.e. me having to carry the conversation even though they started it, a brief hesitation when I asked if they were having a good time, etc. If anything, I might fidget with my hands or sway back and forth, sit to myself, and speak quietly sometimes when I'm especially nervous, but I don't see how these things would turn others off of me. It seems like every move I make is being scrutinized, and that terrifies me, makes me feel inadequate, and like I just shouldn't even bother trying until I'm "normal" and "socially acceptable", which I doubt will ever be the case. So I'm wondering, have any of you felt like this before? Why are these subtle little things I don't seem to notice so important to people liking me, is everyone really that picky? Or is there just something wrong with me? Ha, I'm sure I already know the answer to that last question.
|