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  #1  
Old Apr 11, 2014, 03:48 PM
SlowlyISigh SlowlyISigh is offline
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Apparently, I don't. And it just makes me so nervous that I'll never have any real life friends. My therapist and I have been talking about this, and it seems that I've been missing hints from people that would've spared me a great deal of heartache, or otherwise helped me to blend in more easily. What I don't understand is, it's not like I would even consider myself highly socially dysfunctional or whatever you want to call it. I don't get too close to people, Heaven forbid; I don't keep talking to someone when they don't seem interested, I hardly talk at all unless I'm invited to or find that I might have something to contribute to the situation; and in general I try to give off a friendly, accepting, humorous vibe. Then again, it seems like there've been a couple of times recently where I really thought the person was interested in me, only for me to be utterly ignored and forgotten later. I thought that I picked up on something just briefly, i.e. me having to carry the conversation even though they started it, a brief hesitation when I asked if they were having a good time, etc. If anything, I might fidget with my hands or sway back and forth, sit to myself, and speak quietly sometimes when I'm especially nervous, but I don't see how these things would turn others off of me. It seems like every move I make is being scrutinized, and that terrifies me, makes me feel inadequate, and like I just shouldn't even bother trying until I'm "normal" and "socially acceptable", which I doubt will ever be the case. So I'm wondering, have any of you felt like this before? Why are these subtle little things I don't seem to notice so important to people liking me, is everyone really that picky? Or is there just something wrong with me? Ha, I'm sure I already know the answer to that last question.

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  #2  
Old Apr 11, 2014, 04:59 PM
Anonymous33512
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Originally Posted by SlowlyISigh View Post
Apparently, I don't. And it just makes me so nervous that I'll never have any real life friends. My therapist and I have been talking about this, and it seems that I've been missing hints from people that would've spared me a great deal of heartache, or otherwise helped me to blend in more easily. What I don't understand is, it's not like I would even consider myself highly socially dysfunctional or whatever you want to call it. I don't get too close to people, Heaven forbid; I don't keep talking to someone when they don't seem interested, I hardly talk at all unless I'm invited to or find that I might have something to contribute to the situation; and in general I try to give off a friendly, accepting, humorous vibe. Then again, it seems like there've been a couple of times recently where I really thought the person was interested in me, only for me to be utterly ignored and forgotten later. I thought that I picked up on something just briefly, i.e. me having to carry the conversation even though they started it, a brief hesitation when I asked if they were having a good time, etc. If anything, I might fidget with my hands or sway back and forth, sit to myself, and speak quietly sometimes when I'm especially nervous, but I don't see how these things would turn others off of me. It seems like every move I make is being scrutinized, and that terrifies me, makes me feel inadequate, and like I just shouldn't even bother trying until I'm "normal" and "socially acceptable", which I doubt will ever be the case. So I'm wondering, have any of you felt like this before? Why are these subtle little things I don't seem to notice so important to people liking me, is everyone really that picky? Or is there just something wrong with me? Ha, I'm sure I already know the answer to that last question.
One I suffer from that all the time. I have extreme anxiety around people and if I have to be around people, it most defiantly anxiety medications before I ever step foot anywhere. As far as it turning people from you, I honestly have no clue, I have actually never really paid attention to whether people are avoiding me, considering that the people I normally talk to are not "normal" in societies eyes what so ever. I feel more comfortable around people that have mental or physical problems then I do someone that is "normal". But I do try and talk to "normal" people, but nine times out of ten I normally don't have to worry to much about being avoiding, considering that not only do I suffer from anxiety of people I am mostly deaf. So if I do end up in a place with people my husband is with me, and he will warn them that if they are trying to talk to me or are talking to me, they have to make sure I am actually looking at them. If not, then I won't even know they actually said anything in the first place.

But I have a website you actually might want to look at just because it seems you might actually suffer a little from anxiety issues.
How To Overcome Anxiety And Get Your Life Back Again
  #3  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 05:04 PM
LaborIntensive LaborIntensive is offline
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I will have to bring this up in therapy as I think I have these same issues.
  #4  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 05:29 PM
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hvert hvert is offline
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Hmmm, it sounds like you are reading social cues correctly. You notice that people are interested in the conversation at first and then seem to lose interest later on.

If these are dates you are describing, where you both seem to have a good time at first, and then the second date never happens even though you expected it -- that is very normal.

It's kind of natural to meet someone new, have a nice conversation, and then realize that you don't have all that much else to talk about (for friends or dates).
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