Hey you aren't to blame for "nearly abandonding" your child, and more importantly, you are still here. Whatever "fate" controls our lives saw to it that you survived that day.

I hope I make this suggestion sensitively, it is the only practical advice I can think of. Have you made some sort of will or arrangements with an attorney, just incase something did happen. That and having a memory box with all the things you have treasured about your daughter's life. I don't want to be morbid, but perhaps knowing that you have some arrangements in place might help settle you a bit.

Please tell me to mind my own business or back off if I've been insensitive, I don't gauge how other people might react to my "common sense" sometimes.