Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe
Hey you aren't to blame for "nearly abandonding" your child, and more importantly, you are still here. Whatever "fate" controls our lives saw to it that you survived that day.
I hope I make this suggestion sensitively, it is the only practical advice I can think of. Have you made some sort of will or arrangements with an attorney, just incase something did happen. That and having a memory box with all the things you have treasured about your daughter's life. I don't want to be morbid, but perhaps knowing that you have some arrangements in place might help settle you a bit.
Please tell me to mind my own business or back off if I've been insensitive, I don't gauge how other people might react to my "common sense" sometimes. |
Thanks, I do have a will. My husband and I are pretty organized that way. With him being in the military we have to constantly update emergency care plans etc.
And cognitively I know it is not my fault. Emotionally... I am not sure I blame myself but I do feel like I failed. So I am in this bizarre space. I know I have no control, this could have happened to anyone. And when the crisis came I did everything I could. BUT... I nearly failed, I almost did not make it. And everytime I put my little girl to bed I wonder if this will be the last time I see her.
I have been working on this, trying to cut myself some slack, forgive myself even though it is not my fault. It is just the stupid PTSD, anxiety and depression are having a field day. And it feels like nobody in my life really understands why. Most of them try to comfort me by telling me that I can still have children or that I am looking so great (I lost 10lbs after my surgery), even though I am underweight. It just feels surreal.
I am sorry to ramble like this, I just needed to get the thoughts out of my head before they drive me crazy. Thanks for understanding I am just tired of feeling like an alien in my day to day life because my reaction to this event is so different from everyone elses'.