Growli, the message you sent was assertive, honest, and very clear. I hope you receive an appropriate response.

About your resistance to finding a T, here are my thoughts:
1. We make time in life for things that are important to us.
2. Your current T is already hurting you. Even if it's unintentional, her behavior is dredging up all sorts of old feelings and memories for you.
3. It's possible to be attached to more than one person.
4. In this lifetime, it's inevitable that someone we love will leave. It's a matter of how we develop the tools and skills to cope.

Sending hugs your way.