Quote:
Originally Posted by Mastodon
But this seems to argue that some of the attachment types in the model presented are inherently unhealthy or dysfunctional. I do not agree that that is necessarily the case. I am sure there are unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships of all four types, as well as healthy and functional ones. There are simply too many factors that are not taken into account in the model. I mean, I have been in a relationship for 20 years, and it's moved from "preoccupied" to "dismissive" according to this model. So clearly neither one of those two categories is necessarily dysfunctional.
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You know I think that there is one kind of attachment that is better than the others. I don't think this is like personality types were there is just a wide array of kinds. I know that for me my non-secure attachments happened for good reasons. Like I have a fearful attachment with my mother because she abandon me, so I can't trust her as all now. And I think that my attachment with my dad is dismissive because he is emotionally unavailable, and was largely non-supportive after my SA. Having these bad attachments happens makes me worried about other attachments, and fearful of getting hurt in similar ways by other people, so my global attachment style is preoccupied, because I'm constantly worried that other people wont be there for me, or they don't truly want me. None of this is good. But I also don't think that its a judgement on me. You might have the attachment style you have because of something that happened to you. This doesn't make you a good or bad person, its more just like information about your past, and a behavior that you developed because of your past. You might try thinking about why you answered the questions on the test the way you did. Was there something in your past that made you unable to trust others? Did something happen when you tried to share something important with a friend or a parent?