Please do call your local mental health facility and make an appoinment. Most of them work on a sliding scale according to your income. Then start the process of filling out paperwork for SSI and medicaid. I also live in CO and have found that if you get yourself in the system, people will help you. You did not say if you are working (or if you did, I missed it). It does not sound as if you could or should be working right now.

Please do not dispair. You have found a place where so many share your pain and will help and support you. Many of us think of ending the pain on a daily basis, (I know I do) but since there are so many other avenues for you to explore, why not try them first?

I share and understand your pain. As others have said, it is not my place to diagnose you, but it sounds as if you have several issues going on. And believe there are also many kind people who are willing to extend their hand to you-doctors and therepists, etc. As well as the people here who share a kinship working our way through life slightly off kilter.

Please feel free to PM me-I am willing to listen anytime. We will value you for the unique and special person that you are.