Well, i came out and it was fine (I've been transitioned for a couple yrs) but it felt like it got silenced after that because, idk, maybe she didn't want to confuse herself thinking about how I have presented any differently. She was really proud of me when she found out i had transitioned and made it into like, oh, it's the 1st thing you did truly for yourself!! When i told her honestly that I'm not sure i even did it for me, i just felt pressured to...... And since then I felt unspoken pressure to not be struggling with it, like it was too confusing and she just wanted me to be a cis girl even though my reality is somewhat different. The truth is I fantasize a lot about living as a gay boy again, but I know it's a destructive thought because it is not realistic, but... I am really struggling with it and have no support system for this issue.

I'm not ashamed of my feelings but... I just start to feel uncomfortable every time I go to talk about it or say anything that highlights me not being a cis girl. It makes me feel freakish. And i think she is kind of sensitive to protecting that image of me. :/ like when I was telling her about some of my parts, the first 2 were boys and she started redirecting me to talk about current me and emphasizing that she is a girl. Even though only 2 of 5 that I talked about were boys i felt judged somehow. Just stuff like that. I feel like I'm allowed to be uncertain of everything else about me, but not my gender...

Maybe I am projecting that she is judging me, idk... but yeah I want to really talk to her about it i just don't want her to see me different. :c

sorry about your experience. I read your thread and it sounds like your T was really unhelpful for you. Did you see a gender therapist after that?