First off I don't really know what I am trying to accomplish with this post I guess just to put this in writing and maybe outta my head.

So I have been trying to 'quit' therapy again... Well I had already done so back in oct but then my dad died in dec and that brought up some stuff and I started talking to t again in jan but I have done another huge chunk of work involving forgiving my mom huge step that and had a good visit with my mom recently and rebuilding that relationship and I just... Don't need t the way I used to, I feel like I don't need formal therapy anymore, my appointments have become something else they are more like expensive chats with a colleague or something? I didn't schedule another appt this last time due to work schedules being up in the air right now and I realize I have the opportunity to just not call her and go on with my life...

And therein is the dilemma, she has been such a big big help to me, I have come a very long way from the closed up little person who first walked into her office 2.5 years ago. I do most of my inner work on my own and tell her about it after the fact. But I feel so much loyalty to both her and this whole process and somehow can't separate the two??? I don't know. I don't 'need' to talk to her anymore, I 'want' to. I know that. But wanting means it is a luxury now, and I can't justify the cost, so I know i need to quit.... Last time I mentioned quitting she laughed at me well it was the timing that was funny and I laughed too.... But I let it drop and kept making more appointments....ugh.

Typing this has already helped. I respect her too much to just'disappear on her. I need to buck up, and email her this post, and schedule a final appt to discuss it and say goodbye.

I think...

If anyone read this far comments welcome!

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