hi juliana thanks for your reply you can be my role model!! you have done it ,i find it hard to diferentiate between whether it is the fear or maybe i'm not in the right space /time to change i know that when things have been right in the past i've just done them--am i talking myself out of things i hear myself saying? again many thanks i feel its a case for me to either do it or shut up and stop tormenting myself .