why do i get so scared?!!

my anxiety /depression are lifting slightly when this happens then i go on full steam ahead i think of going back to work going on holidays etc today i was thinking of opening a business what then happens then is fears of failing ,getting ill again,surface,there is a reality in this as i've relapsed so many times before ,i wonder that i'm setting my sights too high, i long to function fully again but this this a far off dream i feel i'm living far below my capabilities it just seems the anxiety /confusion cloud my thinking i'm sure i'm not alone with this problem has anyone resolved it? thanks

Hi Jeff. I can relate. I was terrified about going back to work after I had been sick with agoraphobia and panic attacks for 4 years. I was so afraid I was going to fail and end up just the way I had before -- not being able to handle it and being controlled by the anxiety again.

With the help of medication and CBT, I confronted those fears, though, and I went back to work.

I found that the fear during the anticipation was much worse than actually doing it, though. Once I was back at work, it became much less scary. I made sure I took a job that had strict hours (no overtime), so I wouldn't be giving myself more than I could handle. I had to constantly remind myself to take time for myself, and ask friends and family for help when I needed it. I also gave myself permission to fail. I told myself that the worst that could happen would be that I would fail -- and I had done that before and although it sucked, it wasn't the end of the world. I ended up succeeding, though. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

This past summer, I had the opportunity to do something I was really excited about -- flying (for the 1st time in 10 years) to Chicago and interviewing the lead singer of my favourite band. When the opportunity first arose, I thought, "Who am I kidding? I can't do this! My FORMER self could have done this, but I'm not capable of this kind of stuff anymore!" I committed to doing it, though, because I wanted to so much. During the days before the trip, I had a number of meltdowns -- sobbing on the phone to my dad about how I had gotten in over my head and there was no way I could do it, etc. I was TERRIFIED, but I did it and I did it well and it built my confidence.

I started a new job recently and I do things everyday that I never thought I would be capable of again. It has just been a process of challenging myself, building my confidence, and doing my best to deal with the setbacks. It's still hard sometimes -- some days are harder than others, but I'm so glad I faced the fears and got my life re-started.

Every time we face a fear and handle that situation, it builds confidence and things become easier. The setbacks are inevitable, I think. But, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I know how frightening it is. Are you talking to a therapist about this? Does your therapist think you're ready to challenge yourself in this way? If you're not ready, it could be traumatic, but if you are at a point in your recovery, where challenging yourself could be helpful, you just need to go for. Bite the bullet and white-knuckle through the fear. Sometimes we're much stronger than we give ourselves credit for... and the fear of failure, in my experience, has been much scarier than actually DOING what I feared. Personally, I have to fight the urge to overthink things all the time and sometimes I just have to make myself go for it.

Good luck!

hi juliana thanks for your reply you can be my role model!! you have done it ,i find it hard to diferentiate between whether it is the fear or maybe i'm not in the right space /time to change i know that when things have been right in the past i've just done them--am i talking myself out of things i hear myself saying? again many thanks i feel its a case for me to either do it or shut up and stop tormenting myself .