I first read your post yesterday, Miud & wanted to reply. I felt like I had something to say about it. But I needed time to think it through. Earlier today it dawned on me. I'm an older person now (male). But I've been transgendered all of my life. In other words, I always felt like I should have been / wanted to be female. I learned very early in life that this was something I must never talk about. And so I kept it a closely guarded secret.

I was an only child & as I was entering my teenage years my parents & I moved out into a rural area. So I was pretty much stranded except for the time I spent in school. Still, over time, I managed to cobble together a small collection of female clothing & accessories. I hid them in the back of a file drawer in my desk in my bedroom. I always worried that they'd be found. (They weren't.) But I was powerless to get rid of them.

One of the things I believe I share, with most other trans persons is experience with hiding. We hide from our parents & friends when we're young, from friends & co-workers as adults, as well as from spouses if we marry. We become master hiders. Over the years I have hidden so much that, as I've gotten older, I have found that I still HAVE to hide... even if I wouldn't have to... if that makes any sense. If I don't have a few secrets tucked in my hip pocket, so to speak, I just don't feel right. It has become a compulsion.

As other repliers here have said, there's nothing wrong with your love of wearing diapers. I have heard of adults, in fact, who hire nannies to take care of them as if they were babies. So try not to feel guilty or shameful about this. My concern for you is with regard to your need to hide this from your parents & others in your life. I certainly understand that wearing diapers is not something you want to broadcast. At the same time, I'd like to just offer a gentle caution that hiding can itself become a compulsion.

I don't recall if you said whether or not you see a therapist. I would think that this would be a very good idea. This is someone with whom you might be able to share your feelings about loving diapers. And having the opportunity to share this with someone may help you to feel okay with it while still not disclosing it to your parents, etc. By the way, feel free to Personal Message me should you want to chat about this further.