i wish that id bled more and i wish that i was 6 stone just to hurt my mom. i hate her. how the hell can she say that about me? im being selfish? im doing this to hurt everyone? they're not all dying inside!! and then she says shes done all she can to help. what by sayin stuff like that? if shes helped so much why am i gettin worse? i do hate myself and her and i hope that one day something really serious happens so she can see exactly how much shes helped. everytime she does this it makes me want to do it more and more. i hate her so much. if its so easy to stop a food addiction why is she so fat? at least i have the respect for myself not to get that grotesquely overweight. she does exactly the same as me but just doesnt throw it all up. she's exactly what im afraid of - i never want to be like her in any way and i try my very hardest to be the exact opposite. can't she see how much pain i'm in? she's supposed to be my mother yet she can't see how i'm hurting she thinks now im out of the hospital it's all fine and goes away. well it doesn and it probably never will.