Okay, so I went to go see my t today and she was so lovely to print me off another chapter of the anorexia workbook we're working through. The last chapter was mindful observations which I fought tooth and nail to not do. I eventually just gave in and said I did it. She doesn't really believe that I gave it a full try, so she wants me to try to do it again... I'm just going to lie about that too.

Unfortunately, this chapter doesn't get any better. There was a worksheet I have to fill out and its called, "The Mindful Eating Worksheet". What. The. ****. It wants me to eat one of my unsafe foods and document my reaction towards it, what it was etc. My unsafe food is pizza. Like that's the only thing I can think of that I will avoid at all costs. Its just so unhealthy and gross, and just... nasty. I cried when I read that I had to do it and I texted my t to see if I could skip that exercise along with a mirror and scale exercise that was in the chapter. The mirror exercise was to look at yourself completely naked until the uncomfortableness went away. **** that. Then the scale exercise was to hold something heavy and see a larger number on the scale. Then increase the amount of weight you were holding. The point is to get yourself to be okay with seeing a "healthy" number on the scale. **** that too.

Sorry for my language guys, but I am sooo freaking mad at my t right now and so upset. I can't bring myself to eating a piece of pizza... like I will seriously have a panic attack. I can't do it. I think I would rather eat a bug... at least there is protein in that. Any tips on how to at least attempt to eat something like that? I just cant.