I can see your point, just not that great with praise... Had a few moments in my life when I've done similar things that once the situation has passed the realisation of what I've done doesn't really phase me or make me feel proud... Just do it... And normally get very sad that the person at the other end was in trouble in the first place.

Reminds me of physically stopping some kid jumping in front of a train about 10 years back. My mum was so mad at me, massive lecture on how dangerous and foolish I was, that the lad could have pulled me over with him... I just think that we all hope that we'd be the one to intervene when another is in crisis and having been saved a few times myself... Well yeah I don't ever want to be one of those that 'could have' but did nothing and then regret it and have something extra to hate myself for... Perhaps there is an element of self preservation of spirit mixed in there.

Dunno, sorry for labouring the point... Just got me thinking and you know me by now that I share what's on my mind

As for bullies from the past... For me the majority of that is over 20 years past, I doubt either I or they would recognise each other... And rage at them specifically has long past... Done is done, enacting vengeance now would be futile and misplaced... No doubt with age and experience they have changed anyway.

Little bit stressed today... Been 5 days since I last self harmed (not through choice, theyve kept sharpes away from me.

Got a meeting with my psychiatrist, wife and mum at 2pm and I want to arrange leave for the weekend... But I know that I'm not fully safe, that I want to cut... That since I started several months back I essentially opened Pandora's box and it's my best coping mechanism... But combined with rage can lead to more serious intent

Not really getting any support here to counter this behaviour which is hard to handle.