(((((((((CandyBear)))))))))
I am so sorry you are feeling this bad, and for all you have gone through and are experiencing now.
I have different circumstances but some times I feel as though I am hanging on by a thread. I have no job and no good feelings about myself, am mired in depression so bad and fear when I wake up in the morning feel so hopeless!!
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: my faith in God and His promises to me are what gets me through. No matter how awful I feel I turn to his Word and pray or call a dear friend who is a spiritual mentor to me, and I do know that I am not alone!
I don't want to offend you as I don't know what your beliefs are, but if not for the Lord Jesus Christ, I would have no reason for living at all.
Blessings,
Olivia