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Nat92 · 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3xjj

I am struggling. My ex-boyfriend will not speak to me AT ALL. We broke up about 4.5 months ago. I can't accept that he won't talk to me, I'm terribly confused, and I'm so depressed I often think I want to end my life.

Everyone says, just move on. I can't. I have zero hope for having a relationship in the future. For one, I have social anxiety and avoidance. It is VERY difficult for me to meet people and form relationships. It rarely happens; I am mostly alone. For two, I am attracted to men with intelligence and ambition. These types of guys tend to "have it together" and don't want to be involved with women who have mental illness. For three, I don't believe its possible for someone to love me as I am, with my personality disorder.

When I was with my boyfriend, my life had meaning and purpose. While I still had difficulty getting my emotional needs met, the rest of the relationship was great. I was basically happy for the first time in my life. He was still fawning over me in December and January and even said, in late January, although I was a lot of work, I was worth it. Then in mid to late February, he bailed out because of the "stress."

Because I have so few friends, I need his presence in my life in some way. I have remained friends with other exes. The complete shut out by him is agonizing. At the beginning of the break up, I was struggling a lot, so I probably scared him with my crying and emotions. However, I have changed my behavior. I don't text him anything long, heavy, romantic, or emotional. Just casual stuff. Also things that build him up ("You are worthy of good things" - his self esteem is very low). I still get nothing.

I know everyone is going to say, don't contact him at all, get on with your life. This just isn't an option for the reasons I mentioned. I need him as a friend. Why can't he even respond with a "Thank you, I hope you are doing well?" Why does he not even want to be my friend? At the beginning, he said he wanted to be my friend. At the end, he said he wanted to be my friend. A few months ago, he said he wanted to be my friend like Joe and Mike are. Yet he gives me nothing but silence. He has completely shut me out. I feel terribly rejected and lonely, and I can't move forward (by the way, I am taking medication and going to therapy multiple times a week.)

Oh sweetie, I'm in the exact same situation, although at another stage. It's hard, it's incredibly painful and so unfair. It feels as if a huge part of you is being taken away, ripped out and it leaves a huge hole in your chest.

My ex left me nearly 6 months ago, HE contacted me 3 days after and regularly since. He wanted to be friends and I tried but I did what was best for ME and on our "anniversary-to-be", Apr. 12 - I left him a message explaining I couldn't be his friend and I blocked, deleted and erased him. Though I can't completely erase him, because he'll always be there, in my past, in my memories, I've told myself not to hold onto this old picture of something that once was. It's not easy, because it's so tempting to just stay there, with those memories, with the tiny bit of happiness he brought into my life - but that also means I won't be moving on, that I won't be able to get back up on my feet and keep going. I won't ever get to see what awaits in the distance, what amazing adventures and discoveries I'll make, new friendships etc.

It's a choice only you can make, it's YOUR life. I can tell you just like everyone else will to just let go, to just move on, but heck, I know how hard it is to just do that.

You need to think about yourself, what you want. As terrible the truth is, we can't force someone to stay with us, we can't go back and undo everything, correct the mistakes. It's a harsh lesson life wants to teach us, but it's necessary, because with this lesson, you'll be able to learn and to take from it something valuable.

Sweetie, allowing yourself to grief over this loss is good, these wounds needs to heal and there's no ETA for when that process is done.

I'm where you are, I still miss my ex, I still long for him because I still remember all the good times, the good parts, how happy I was. I'm not any less happy though, but I grief.

It's a loss, much like death, because it's a person who's now no longer in your life.

I often pray at night, I pray that one day, in the future, I'll see him again.

But until then, I need to get back up, face it, accept it and make peace with it.

So, allow yourself the time to grief, to heal, be good to yourself but don't bring yourself further down. This is YOUR time, this is YOUR life and it's YOUR choice.

Just know that the sun still shines even if it's cloudy.