Can't get over him or move on

Uhm, ok, you admit to having a personality disorder, and I was guessing which one based on your posts. Again, I am not projecting, rather I am seeing that your "me me me" behavior is very typical of a narcissist. My narcissistic grandfather was the same way. He thought that everyone should throw themselves under the bus to put up with his bad behavior, and if they didn't then they were the ones with the problem; they were the ones who were "weak".

I'm not surprised that others cannot see this behavior in you. It really does take someone with direct and prolonged exposure to a narcissist to see it in other people. And yes, I realize that everyone will say I am "projecting", but no, I am not. Every single past life experience taints every future experience, so in that regard, we all "project" in everything that we say and do. There is no such thing as being a "blank slate" ever.

If you really think that your behavior is OK, and that everyone should put up with you no matter what, then you will be in for future heartache. I have PTSD and I know all too well what it feels like to be abandoned. However, I'm not so delusional as to think that everyone should stick by me no matter what. I have been sectioned, had the cops threatened on me, had homelessness threatened, and so on.....Long/short, people shouldn't be expected to put up with bad behavior. If you surround yourself with people who accept such bad behavior, then what is your motivation to change? The harsh reality of possibly being alone, homeless, and freedom-less was more than enough motivation to change.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but support doesn't always come in the form of coddling.

Dear Chippermonkey,

No one actually qualified to.diagnose someone would do it on a forum. Your experience does not make you an expert in narcissist spotting. Just like I am not an expert in paedophile spotting. Besides, we are all a bit narcissistic. And this is a forum. Assessing someone over the Internet with the limited amount of information you have would be near impossible.

Even if OP was narcissistic - that information is neither supportive nor helpful coming from someone who clearly bares a grudge against narcissistic PD. This is a support site. No matter what the ops condition, they are worthy of understanding. If you cannot see the individual behind what you think is the diagnosis, then you will not be able to help that person anyway.

Oh sweetie, I'm in the exact same situation, although at another stage. It's hard, it's incredibly painful and so unfair. It feels as if a huge part of you is being taken away, ripped out and it leaves a huge hole in your chest.

My ex left me nearly 6 months ago, HE contacted me 3 days after and regularly since. He wanted to be friends and I tried but I did what was best for ME and on our "anniversary-to-be", Apr. 12 - I left him a message explaining I couldn't be his friend and I blocked, deleted and erased him. Though I can't completely erase him, because he'll always be there, in my past, in my memories, I've told myself not to hold onto this old picture of something that once was. It's not easy, because it's so tempting to just stay there, with those memories, with the tiny bit of happiness he brought into my life - but that also means I won't be moving on, that I won't be able to get back up on my feet and keep going. I won't ever get to see what awaits in the distance, what amazing adventures and discoveries I'll make, new friendships etc.

It's a choice only you can make, it's YOUR life. I can tell you just like everyone else will to just let go, to just move on, but heck, I know how hard it is to just do that.

You need to think about yourself, what you want. As terrible the truth is, we can't force someone to stay with us, we can't go back and undo everything, correct the mistakes. It's a harsh lesson life wants to teach us, but it's necessary, because with this lesson, you'll be able to learn and to take from it something valuable.

Sweetie, allowing yourself to grief over this loss is good, these wounds needs to heal and there's no ETA for when that process is done.

I'm where you are, I still miss my ex, I still long for him because I still remember all the good times, the good parts, how happy I was. I'm not any less happy though, but I grief.

It's a loss, much like death, because it's a person who's now no longer in your life.

I often pray at night, I pray that one day, in the future, I'll see him again.

But until then, I need to get back up, face it, accept it and make peace with it.

So, allow yourself the time to grief, to heal, be good to yourself but don't bring yourself further down. This is YOUR time, this is YOUR life and it's YOUR choice.

Just know that the sun still shines even if it's cloudy.

This thread certainly has had some twists and turns. I do agree with the above statement with a caveat (seems I do that a lot, sorry)....it's 'like' a death but is WORSE than a death because in a death, the person you no longer have in your life, whom you loved, enjoyed, laughed with, worked with, made love to....that person is gone not only from you, but from everything.

When you break up with (or are abandoned by) a person you love, that person goes on to have a life with, eventually, someone else...and with THAT person they love, enjoy, laugh, work with, make love to etc. Death is final....breaking up is an ending with cause, just or otherwise.

I know the OP has been hurt and feels her ex should make some effort to remain friends and I know in her postings she has sounded sometimes, less than rational. But when was losing someone you loved 'so much' ever an encouragement to rationality??

That said....I think the OP knows, even tho some of the posts seemed harsh, that she CAN'T force him to be her friend, and I think, from what I've read in her responses, the sadness of knowing.....even if they WERE friends, it would never be enough (because, really? It wouldn't)...is a fresh heartbreak. I know that heartbreak.

I feel it every day...every f..king day, and I was the one who broke up with my ex. For just cause.

And I know....his life will go on. As if I'd never entered it. That's why the yearning is there to 'remain friends' because the thought that a person we could love so much, could just go on as if we'd never entered their life...is almost beyond bear.

What I have to remember, what the OP has to learn, (and will learn, I have no doubt...her responses are clearly those of an intelligent woman, no matter the content) is that while HIS life will go on....so will hers. So will mine.

He didn't take everything away, just because he took himself away. He didn't take HER away, even tho she may feel at the moment as if she is less of herself because of his lack. She isn't less. She's bruised, and hurt. But she is, when she eventually looks for it, not the same person she was when HE entered her life, but a better person, even that he has left her life.

Patience. And time. Two partners in every effort to move on...they make uncomfortable bedfellows when one is hurting....but they are necessary to relieve ourselves from the pain.

3xjj.......I wish you well, and kindness and quieter moments.... reflective insight that causes no more burn.

At the days end...those posters who've stopped by and dropped a coin or two into the well that is your hurt...really only meant to help. Not further harm. Please believe that. Sometimes, our intent is maxed out by our frailty of word. But we do care.

I know how you feel like. I really do. I'm not going to give you my story - because it's identical to yours - up the one word as to why he broke it off..."stress". I immediately recognized that you and I think remarkably similar.

I feel the EXACT same way you do. I agree, he SHOULD be taking responsibility - he committed to you, and he shouldn't just abandon. You respect his privacy and he should respect you enough to help you move on the way you do. He's not doing that.

That being said, there has to be acceptance in the fact that he just..won't be doing that for you. He just won't. I also wanted my boyfriend to help me move on and stay with me as I struggled to get over him, but he left as if he chopped MY hand instead of his hand in order to "move on with life". The pain was unbearable. He cut me off like I was nothing. Just nothing. Like I didn't exist, and if I did exist, it was like I was just this terrorist sucking his blood.

Your ex-boyfriend said the words, the sweet words, and he said the sweet words after the break up too. He most likely said it because he THOUGHT he would be okay with doing all that, but turns out he just doesn't care about you as much as he thought he did. This doesn't make him a BAD guy, but no matter what you try and do...you're not going to change his mind. He should be there for you, yes, but take comfort in knowing that you're not the only one.
I am one of those sad souls that moves on better when the person remains around me and I gradually move on, as opposed to just severing my hand off completely, leaving and then I attempt to live life with a wounded, bleeding stump of a wrist.

He's not going to come back. But take comfort in knowing you're not the only one. It's going to be years till you feel better. And I know what you mean by ending your life. I know exactly what you mean. I really do. A lot of people don't understand what you're doing through because it seems like people's heart have different material make-up. Some are made of steel, some are made of cotton, some are made up rubber (those hearts bounce back fast), and some are made of glass. These hearts are difficult to repair. People see them as so emotionally unstable, and I suppose it's true. They are. Glass shatters and can't be sewn or glued back together. Some hearts are resilient, some are more fragile. You will hurt for a long time, my friend. You will, and I want to tell you to hold on...but I think you will say there's nothing to hold on to. But you have to try. Because the ONLY other option is death, and I want you to live.
I agree with you on the false comfort. How people say, "there is someone better", "he didn't deserve you", and all those little words that people say to one another, but it isn't true. Sometimes...we really do miss out. Often...it IS our loss. But the reason people tell themselves that is so they don't end up feeling as broken hearted, alone and scared as you do right now. And I know where you are. I know.

The rest of the repliers did say something true though - he will only resent you more the more you keep contacting him. He doesn't want to be with you anymore, and even thought he promised - he promised he was there to stay...he's not going to. Even though he promised he was going to stick around after the break up...he's not going to.
He's not going to stay around. He's not.

I know it's hard to concentrate on anything else, and you don't really want to be around anyone else, and it's hard to not get mad at people easily as you're hurting, but my friend...don't contact him. He won't ever come back anyway - whether you do contact him or not. He's not coming back. This is going to be hard.

What I suggest...go away from where you are. If it's possible to relocate, or if it's possible to take a long trip to another continent. Somewhere cheap, India, Middle East, somewhere you like. Something that had NOTHING to do with him. I know your message is several months old, but I hope I hear from you. I want to know how you are doing. I want to know if you found a better source for relief. Because I need it too.

I know this is an old post, but she didn't say "everyone should stick with me". She said her boyfriend. A boyfriend who committed to her.