Depressed

I have suffered from chronic depression every since I can remember. As a child growing up with it. I never knew what was going on. I was told that I was no good and would never amount to anything though out my life. I believed that for many years until my grandmother opened my eyes back in 1991. She made it a point of telling my how proud of me she was. How I was turning my life around. How I was taking control of my life.
Ever since then I have done thing to keep improving myself. In March if 2003 I lost my grandmother. Ever since then I have seemed to let my life go down the drain. I no longer cared about myself of even what I was doing. I felt like I lost the only person left in the world who cared about me and who had truly loved me.
Then I met my husband. I wanted to feel loved so badly that even though he was very emotional and mentally abusive I still went through with the wedding. Actually I almost called it off the night before but when my father made the five hour drive to attend my wedding and to give me away I felt like I would be disappointing him if I backed out. So I painted on a smile and went through with it. Five months later I found myself in a woman’s shelter trying to re-build myself.
It has been a long and hard battle but I thought I was managing.
I feel into a really bad depression a few weeks before Christmas and it lasted until after the New Year. I went and seen a walk in clinic doctor and had my medications changed because I kept taking myself off due to physical side effects.
Since my medication has been switched I have not felt like myself. I figured that my dosage needed to be changed and I would be fine. The doctor increased it and now I feel even worse. I need to go back onto my original prescription and learn to deal with the painful side effects.
I can not see the doctor again until the next clinic opens on Friday morning.
Now I am realizing that I am still in that same depression. I have had a few good days but more not so good one.
I am now living in a small community with my husband not far away but we do not talk. That was not the case when I had moved here. I had moved here since I am no where near my own family and I was still getting along with my father in law. Now since my husband and I don’t talk, my father in law will not talk to me either. I have managed to make a few friends but feel so alone.