Quote:
Originally Posted by Wysteria
I can understand the compunction to want to leave first to not get abandoned, or to hurt rather than be hurt.
I guess I look at this in terms of learning how to be in healthy relationships in therapy in order to be in healthier relationships IRL.
Is it better to discuss the fear, relate to the other person, prepare for change, make sure that my "assumptions" about what "might" happen are true or false, and agree on a good course of action.
How would I prefer to be treated?
Or do I just leave because something bad "might" happen?
Change is scary. Leaving or being left hurts. Endings are painful.
What lesson do we really want to learn and what better place to learn how to handle the hard, the scary and the painful than in therapy?
I'm just saying that this is a big issue and the potential for hurt is large and it needs to be thought through carefully. If my pattern is running, I'd rather learn a better way with my T then someone unsafe.
Wysteria
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Absolutely agree on that. It's as if, when something 'might happen' and we run away, we avoid it. But we don't. We only fool ourselves, I guess. Give ourselves the impression that we made the decision, that we have some power over this situation.
On the other hand... when I read your question 'How would I prefer to be treated?' I realized that running away can turn against you too... You can start to feel guilty about how you 'solved' things. Well, after all, by running away you actually didn't. Realizing this is not a nice thing to do, I think.
So yes, it's better to learn from this in therapy... in a healthy, supporting way.