This thread certainly has had some twists and turns. I do agree with the above statement with a caveat (seems I do that a lot, sorry)....it's 'like' a death but is WORSE than a death because in a death, the person you no longer have in your life, whom you loved, enjoyed, laughed with, worked with, made love to....that person is gone not only from you, but from everything.

When you break up with (or are abandoned by) a person you love, that person goes on to have a life with, eventually, someone else...and with THAT person they love, enjoy, laugh, work with, make love to etc. Death is final....breaking up is an ending with cause, just or otherwise.

I know the OP has been hurt and feels her ex should make some effort to remain friends and I know in her postings she has sounded sometimes, less than rational. But when was losing someone you loved 'so much' ever an encouragement to rationality??

That said....I think the OP knows, even tho some of the posts seemed harsh, that she CAN'T force him to be her friend, and I think, from what I've read in her responses, the sadness of knowing.....even if they WERE friends, it would never be enough (because, really? It wouldn't)...is a fresh heartbreak. I know that heartbreak.

I feel it every day...every f..king day, and I was the one who broke up with my ex. For just cause.

And I know....his life will go on. As if I'd never entered it. That's why the yearning is there to 'remain friends' because the thought that a person we could love so much, could just go on as if we'd never entered their life...is almost beyond bear.

What I have to remember, what the OP has to learn, (and will learn, I have no doubt...her responses are clearly those of an intelligent woman, no matter the content) is that while HIS life will go on....so will hers. So will mine.

He didn't take everything away, just because he took himself away. He didn't take HER away, even tho she may feel at the moment as if she is less of herself because of his lack. She isn't less. She's bruised, and hurt. But she is, when she eventually looks for it, not the same person she was when HE entered her life, but a better person, even that he has left her life.

Patience. And time. Two partners in every effort to move on...they make uncomfortable bedfellows when one is hurting....but they are necessary to relieve ourselves from the pain.

3xjj.......I wish you well, and kindness and quieter moments.... reflective insight that causes no more burn.

At the days end...those posters who've stopped by and dropped a coin or two into the well that is your hurt...really only meant to help. Not further harm. Please believe that. Sometimes, our intent is maxed out by our frailty of word. But we do care.