I've been clean for quite a while, I've lost count. I thought that I had finally put this whole "self-harm" chapter behind me and that I was finally moving forward but every time I seem to be getting better, I come crashing down.
I'm crashing down again and the self-hate is building up inside me and I am seriously considering resorting to those blades again. Despite being clean for so long, I kept that one in my drawer, just in case.
I feel absolutely terrible and I'm scared and I just want that familiar feeling of ripping my skin open. It's the only pain I know I can control. I'm trying to talk myself out of it but I'm running out of reasons not to do it.