Why not?

I've been clean for quite a while, I've lost count. I thought that I had finally put this whole "self-harm" chapter behind me and that I was finally moving forward but every time I seem to be getting better, I come crashing down.
I'm crashing down again and the self-hate is building up inside me and I am seriously considering resorting to those blades again. Despite being clean for so long, I kept that one in my drawer, just in case.
I feel absolutely terrible and I'm scared and I just want that familiar feeling of ripping my skin open. It's the only pain I know I can control. I'm trying to talk myself out of it but I'm running out of reasons not to do it.

I've relapsed with self-harm after going almost a year without it. All I can say is that it's not worth it. It makes you feel so weak.. and you're so much stronger than that.

As much as you want to.. you'll feel so much better if you don't!

Your reason to not do it should be... you're beautiful. You don't deserve pain no matter what you think. And you're so much stronger than self-harm.

Does not compute :-) Do you want the self-hate? Get all logical and refuse the ridiculous, the cutting-off-your-nose-to-spite-your-face that does not help you in any way but does mark/hurt you. You will not die of the desire to feel the feeling of ripping your skin open any more than a toddler will die of not getting ice cream or whatever RIGHT NOW!

Seek out and go give the blade you kept to someone you respect/who loves you and telling them how you are feeling? You have self-hate but they will not hate you, they will willingly take the blade from you and listen to you, try to make you feel better and the two of you can brainstorm how to get you help. Just unburdening yourself/putting your self-hate into words will diffuse the feeling, give it another outlet.

Hi troubled, I'm really sorry you're feeling like this but why not...........well I can understand how the feeling of self hate can tear into you in itself but cutting, however powerful the urge, really isn't going to help with that beyond what (?) 1 minute.......five minutes.......half an hour.........a day, is it? In fact it's going to give those feelings an even stronger hold over you, right?
So it's the feelings you have to face down, then?? Do you think the self hate could be coming from depression, feelings like that can be fairly common in depression alongside the thinking you're not good enough??
Could you be setting up impossible standards for yourself to meet or being too self critical?? Because you know everyone has flaws, everyone has things they can't do or things that they're not but would like to do/be. It's more that some people don't show those to the outside world quite as much as they see them in themselves. Although they're still there and there can still be different options or alternative which are just as good/if not better!!!
Or maybe some things have happened in your life to bring on those feelings?? But if so they don't have to define you, you can be more than simply a list of things that have happened, you are you!!! And there will be, whether you see them or not, plenty of really valuable qualities right there inside/about you.
And just one is........WOW (!!), you managed to stop cutting before!!! Now that in itself as I'm sure plenty of people have/would tell you a massive achievement and must have taken so much to do!!! Something special right there inside you!!!
But whatever has kicked off those feelings......any/all/none (?) of the above, I'd say you really need to keep being open about it and keep reaching out for the help you deserve. So whether you can talk to someone close to you, or someone in your environment??? Although you know you can keep talking to us too. And if you want to talk some more.......right here for you.

Alison

Thank you so so much everyone. You've all been really helpful and I appreciate it a lot x