Isn't there a step before kissing though? The whole finding someone who won't pressure me into the physical stuff immediately and that I might actually want to kiss step? I don't even know how to do that...the only person to have shown interest in me recently was trying to push me to hard too fast. I don't think I can feel comfortable or safe around him...and for some reason, I don't feel anything towards him. Even the thought of kissing him makes me cringe.

And as for people I'm actually interested in, there's only one and I really need to forget about him because of who he is and what I likely am to him. Among other things. All the other guys I've had interest in are completely out of my life. Basically, there's no one to practice enjoying kissing with. I go back to school in the fall, but I'll just run into the same problems...undergrads are intimidated by me or think I'm too old and grad students are already married/engaged or in a long-term relationship already. I've tried online dating...they all pushed me way past my boundaries and made me more uncomfortable than before.

And despite the backlash I get from guys, offline I make ALL the first moves the majority of the time.