Hi crmwizkid,

First of all, I want to commend you for 22 years of marriage. You two come from a very difficult history, one I'd have thought would have led to divorce a long time ago. I hope that there is still love in your relationship.

I have been with my husband for 18 years, and only had a few sexual partners before him. My first boyfriend gave me the best sexual experiences but it was not a healthy relationship and occupied the first 8 years of my early adulthood. I have a lot of regrets in that I didn't experience what young people should be experiencing during that period of life, meeting lots of people and finding out who I was. I joined this forum because I have my own sexual dysfunction, but that's a whole other story!

What made me want to respond to your post is that my husband also has this fantasy of me having sex with another man, but his version is with him watching. I think it is a very common fantasy, nothing sick, though I resented the idea of it for a long time because I was so prudish about sex and still have such low self-esteem and don't feel worthy of being the object of someone else's desire. Plus, should I actually do it, I have the fear that I would fall for the other man, and I don't want to cheat or leave my husband.

Your wife may have similar fears. Have you talked to her? It's tough to be honest, but you could use my admission as an opening to have a heart-felt talk with her. Meanwhile, can use do what my hubby does and use the fantasy as just that, a fantasy?