Wife Sharing Desires

We have been married for 22 years now, and basically the entire time, I have desired to have her be with other men, both to talk to them, and to sleep with them.

we were married young, very young. she 16 and I 18. we had a child already by this time. he was 8months old at our wedding. When we first started dating, I really loved how sexually open she was. she had her first sexual experience at 12, and had 6 or 7 lovers prior to meeting me. (this should have told me more than what I was seeing at the time, but I was only 17). Anyway, we dated for a few weeks, then she decided she needed to go live with her mom in Houston. (we lived in az at that time). so she left. we kept in contact the entire time through phone calls and letters. about 4 months after she moved, she informed me she was pregnant. I of course panicked and told her to get an abortion, anything to hide it. she decided not to, but over the course of my parents and her mom getting involved with the situation, she became angry and resntful toward me.

after the baby was born, her mom kicked her out and sent her back to az. I asked my parents if she could move in with us, which the agreed but under the stipulation that we would not have sex, to which we agreed and kept our word.

we were married a month later, then I enlisted in the air force. after training and placement, which took 9 months, she moved to tx with me and we set up house. I found out over the next few months that while she was living in Houston with her mom, she had a boyfriend. she said they did have sex, but after the baby was born. she claimed it was only once, but who knows. however, her revelation of this, really made me happy and excited, and it set a fire in my mind. I wanted her to do it again. we talked, and over the next several months, she would chat with guys online, and eventually she met a guy and they had sex. it was an awful experience for her. and she didn't like how it made her feel.

we got through all that, and then 7 years later, she met another man online. this time they talked for about 4 months, and then met for a weekend in vegas. I loved every single second of that time, I adored it all. then about a month later, she flew to his house in Washington state for a week. Again, I loved it all. when she returned from both trips, she didn't really say much about her time with this man. I wanted to hear all the details, but she really only gave me vague references to things. Then they stopped talking and that was it.

ff to today. she hates that I want this of her (her being with other men) so I haven't mentioned it in years, quite dropped it in fact. occasionally I will find some history on her computer detailing her answering adds on craigslist and talking to men, but as far as I know she hasn't been with another man since. But I soooo desperately still want her to do this. I love the thought of her being with another man. Im not gay, or bi, and not curious at all, but the thought of her being with other men makes me happy, and makes me love her even more.

what do I do?

Welcome to the Community, crmwizkid. My thought is you would benefit from professional help to sort out your obsession. Maybe, at some point, couples' therapy may be an option.

I wish you well.

Any relationship involves compromises. You're not going to get everything you want. Sorry!

Hi crmwizkid,

First of all, I want to commend you for 22 years of marriage. You two come from a very difficult history, one I'd have thought would have led to divorce a long time ago. I hope that there is still love in your relationship.

I have been with my husband for 18 years, and only had a few sexual partners before him. My first boyfriend gave me the best sexual experiences but it was not a healthy relationship and occupied the first 8 years of my early adulthood. I have a lot of regrets in that I didn't experience what young people should be experiencing during that period of life, meeting lots of people and finding out who I was. I joined this forum because I have my own sexual dysfunction, but that's a whole other story!

What made me want to respond to your post is that my husband also has this fantasy of me having sex with another man, but his version is with him watching. I think it is a very common fantasy, nothing sick, though I resented the idea of it for a long time because I was so prudish about sex and still have such low self-esteem and don't feel worthy of being the object of someone else's desire. Plus, should I actually do it, I have the fear that I would fall for the other man, and I don't want to cheat or leave my husband.

Your wife may have similar fears. Have you talked to her? It's tough to be honest, but you could use my admission as an opening to have a heart-felt talk with her. Meanwhile, can use do what my hubby does and use the fantasy as just that, a fantasy?