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Old Jul 29, 2014, 10:46 AM
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rosska rosska is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 272
Quote:
Originally Posted by chelsea89 View Post
I want to add to "the fend for ourselves" bit. Bullying plays a really big part in it, but that's certainly not all that contributes to that sentiment. I know for me growing up was hell. Screaming because my mom would brush and wash my hair and it felt as though something was ripping my hair collectively from the roots while scratching the top of my head (I used to check if my head was bleeding after my mom brushed my hair). I was in pain but got told that "It doesn't hurt that bad, hold still or I'll give you a reason to cry.". I also got told to stop being a smart-*** for doing things exactly how someone told me to do them (look in the drawer under the microwave, I lifted the microwave up). I had no idea what I was doing wrong, but it seemed like I couldn't do anything right. Everything has to be put into steps for me too. So if someone told me for the first time to load a dishwasher, I would have to be shown step by step how to do it. I used this as an example because I was smacked upside the head and told to get out if I didn't want to help when I couldn't figure out where to put the little pods filled with soap, because one said liquid and the other side said powder. I wasn't being stupid, I just didn't know where the "pods" container was. Times these stupid incidents by everyday of your life and you start to learn to either hang back and observe, risk asking for help and becoming the annoyance, or looking what you can up ahead of time.

Also Hellion, he probably has a very valid reason to be skeptical of the mental health industry. Alot of Aspies I know that grew up in the 80's and 90's are, including myself. I've matured a bit in that view at this point, but I was horribly misdiagnosed and overmedicated, institutionalized in a residential facility (which does nothing for people with Aspergers except patronize them) all the while my labels made doctors invalidate my legitimate concerns and focus on things I wasn't having issues with or approaching them horribly wrong. For instance I have to keep moving and love to be upside down/spinning because it feels good and feels like spiders or jitters crawling through me when I'm sedentary. I was put on ADHD medication which threw those senses into overdrive and for 10 years I was stuck taking stimulants that made me aggressive (for which I was diagnosed as bipolar and put through another drug regimen, but then I had some sort of psychosis and so on and so on.). Many females with Asperger's have been misdiagnosed with BPD before being recognized as being on the spectrum.
Its hard to go ask these people for help when all they've done in the past is misinterpret your struggles as defiance, anti-social behavior, narcissism, and dependency/emotional instability.
Your experiences growing up seem quite similar to my own. I used to HATE getting my hair washed as a kid because to me it really felt like my mum had grown razor blades on her finger tips whilst washing my hair, but when I struggled or complained I was told to shut up and sit still because it wasn't that bad. I also really struggled with doing things without clear step by step instructions which got me into trouble from my dad a lot, he was always telling me off and saying I needed to "get my act together" or that I "lack common sense" etc because I was taking instructions literally and if I couldn't find what I thought I was looking for I got upset and confused.

Even now, as an adult of 28 (almost 29) I still have to confirm with my mum that I've set up the washing machine correctly for my laundry. In fact, just two weeks ago I got really confused because she had picked up laundry powder instead of the capsules. I've only ever used the capsules and I know that I just need to put one of them in at the back of the drum before loading my clothes. But when I saw the powder I didn't know where I was supposed to put it. Do I pour it into the drum? Do I pour it into the drawer with the fabric softener, if so do I put it in the left or right hand side of the drawer? I only know that the fabric softener goes in the middle section... I ended up not putting the laundry on because I had to wait to ask mum the next day as she was already in bed.

I had a job working in a kids toy shop for a few years a while back now and I was always getting pulled up by my manager for doing things 'wrong' even though I thought I'd followed the instructions perfectly and if I said as much I would get in even more trouble because surely I "must have known" what she meant when she said one thing but meant another. I ended up leaving that job because I was close to getting fired and it was just really stressing me out. I always got made to feel like an idiot and she wasn't afraid to point out my mistakes in front of customers, which I felt was inappropriate.