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All my life I’ve had trouble saying what I feel partly because I am fearful that what I say will either hurt the other person or their comments and remarks will seem more valid than mine. To be specific, I am speaking of my older sister. We have a ten-year age gap between us. I live with her and her family right now and have stayed there for the past three years.
She and I have different personalities. I am more passive and quiet and she is more assertive, matter-of-fact and direct. While I don’t wish to change her, I want to change how we communicate. However, this is really difficult for me because I’ve always – childhood until now – had difficulty starting the conversation or even bringing something up for fear of crying in front of her, saying something that I didn’t mean or offending her.
I am starting to think that my lack of speaking up means that I feel threatened, insecure and unsure of myself. I feel very scared and bottle up my emotions to the point of exhaustion and then I completely forget about it when I see that she is in a good mood. Additionally, I feel that because I could never stand up for myself in certain situations, it affected the way my relationship with my now ex-bf (I could be wrong). Also, I feel that it has affected how I live my life such as wanting to move out (to the city). When my sister is stressed, it affects me, especially when she lashes out on me. I try not to take things personally but I can’t hold anything inside anymore. I know she cares about me and I am truly grateful for her help but maybe it is time for a change.
For those of you who’ve dealt with a similar situation or have siblings, where do I begin? How should I approach her?
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