Quote:
Originally Posted by hannabee
I have changed my mind on this as I didn't realize you had three children to be concerned about. Is she going to divorce you if you don't have the surgery? If your kids are still minors and at home, I think you need to do what it will take to keep the family unit in tack for now. I doubt you really want more kids or are thinking you will find some young chickie to start another family with right? And I don't think your "manhood" is in your jeans now is it? It really is between your ears.
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Wow. Lots to consider. First, i strive to be a complete man, and to feel it is between my ears". But there is always a physical componenent. A woman may feel the same, i think. This place is a sounding board for the deepest thoughts/feelings that are hard to voice elsewhere.
I love being a dad and a husband. It's what i want. I love my time with my kids, and my time with my wife WHEN SHE IS PRESENT. Her focus has always remained on points of anxiety or depression, even before the porn issues. She cant often "let go" of them and be happy and relaxed and see the good things in our lives. When she does i see the potential of what she and i and our family can be. She's a smart woman, with a good heart and tbe only woman. I've ever felt romantic love for.
She wallows in these points of depression... There are physical symptoms that manifest with this as you all know. As for our physical relationship, there has always been a focus on it later... After this project, after we move, after this course, after she changes jobs (hated every job, ever), after she's back to work because being home is too stressful, after these headaches, cramps , stomach problems, feelings of fatigue go away, after the kids are older and are sleeping better...
I do a LOT at home, plus work fulltime. I dont contribute, i am at worst a full partner, most times the primary household manager, and i care for her during her frequent low points and illnesses. I was wrong to turn to porn. It was damaging to her and is TRULY a form of infidelity. I did it because it was just easier than trying to get my wife to have sex with me. It was just there... there was no waiting until "after". And "after" could be a long time. We went for months at a time with no sexual intimacy at all. Porn was an easy outlet, and i didnt see it as cheating... i was so wrong and hurt my wife and marriage so much.
Yes, she still wants to punish me. I want a vasectomy to look after her pregnancy worries. It isnt for me. I think men should do this because it is an easier permanent fix. But a big part of me is tired of looking after her, when it doesnt feel like anyone is looking after me.