I don't know how I feel. My thoughts only last for a few minutes before I completely forget what I was thinking about or feeling and move on to the next thought and whatever that emotion is and repeat a few minutes later. I'm not bipolar. I don't have mania. I have schizoaffective, major depressive type. It's just it's never been like this before. For a few minutes I'll be super suicidal and the next, I'll just be hopeless feeling that there's nothing I can do and then I'll be scared because I start getting paranoid about someone hiding to kill me.

Every night, I deeply consider going to the hospital because I feel like something really bad is about to happen but by the time I wake up, I convince myself out of it just to get back to the same point every night.

I don't even really know how I feel other than helpless.