I don't know how I feel because my thoughts/feelings rapid cycling.

I don't know how I feel. My thoughts only last for a few minutes before I completely forget what I was thinking about or feeling and move on to the next thought and whatever that emotion is and repeat a few minutes later. I'm not bipolar. I don't have mania. I have schizoaffective, major depressive type. It's just it's never been like this before. For a few minutes I'll be super suicidal and the next, I'll just be hopeless feeling that there's nothing I can do and then I'll be scared because I start getting paranoid about someone hiding to kill me.

Every night, I deeply consider going to the hospital because I feel like something really bad is about to happen but by the time I wake up, I convince myself out of it just to get back to the same point every night.

I don't even really know how I feel other than helpless.

you don't say whether you are on meds but if you are, they aren't the right ones or you wouldn't be feeling this way. if you aren't, meds can definitely help. I remember all that crazy thinking. meds have changed my life completely.

I'm on aniexty, depression and sleep meds but antipsychotics do nothing for me so I'm not on any because that's pointless.