(((((Alex)))) I totally understand how you feel. A month break?? That must be painful. I'm sorry you're hurting.

I went through something similar a few sessions ago. I wanted him to hurt because I felt like he was pushing me away. Then once I thought I hurt him, the guilt was unbearable, which led to me emailing him which led to him not responding, and the cycle continued.

There is plenty to go back to. Share this with him at your next session. Okay?