A lot of us go through trauma reenactment in one form or another. Some of it we subconsciously walk into without even knowing what's going on. I went through a trauma reenactment of my own, but fortunately it was only after a couple of months, so I had no problem saying 'goodbye' to the guy.

Its concerning that you married someone who is so similar to your abuser. My cousin did something similar....her father abandoned her as a child, so who did she marry? A guy who has a similar physique to her husband (same hair color, large gut, bearded, etc). I think it has something to do with re-living the past in order to have an outcome we can control.

Why are you having sex with him if you don't want it? He isn't owed a damn thing. If you don't want sex, don't have sex! You have a right to be in control of your own sexuality.