Hi. I'm a sad puppy a lot, lately. I'm depressed, with a layer on anxiety on top. I went to a new prescribing psychologist in the small rural town where I live, yesterday. It was my first visit to her, and she did the usual history. She rolled her eyes when i told her that my GP and my psychiatric nurse practitioner and agreed on a diagnosis of Bipolar I for me. She said that it was an overused diagnosis.
However, by the end of our session, she was changing my meds and wanting to ween me off of one of my anti-psychotics and onto lithium. My understanding [and I can certainly be wrong!] is that lithium is for bipolar, pretty much exclusively.
Today I feel more depressed and just confused. It is always hard for me when they start messing with my meds. I get a lot of fear about "what is this going to do to me?", "am I going to be able to sleep?", "will I get more depressed?" and so on. I don't know if other people feel this way or if it is just me.
I just started a new job, and already feel incredibly overwhelmed by the work. I'm an attorney, and feel like a fraud, trying to practice law when I am so sick. I feel patched together like a rag doll. I barely function at home, just sitting and crying.
I've read up on lithium and don't hold out much hope for it helping with my depression. I'm already on such a mess of drugs. The psychologist says she is worried about the anti-psychotic causing my anxiety. I'm more worried that I am going to give up and ..., well, give up.
I'm sorry that this is so long. Psych Central is my main life line any more. Thank god for all of you. Just reading the check in thread makes me feel a tiny bit connected to other people...I know that sounds weird. I worry about you guys, too.
I'm not a bad person. But I feel like I must be, on some molecular level, to feel the way I do.
Thanks for listening. I know things have got to get better. I hope they do.