Hello everyone,

I haven't posted here for a while really.. I dont come on here much but Im so horribly depressed and I dont know what to do still...

I've been stuck with this horrible job that I hate so badly and it's almost killing me to continue on working there. The people and staff are all lovely but the hours are horrible and my work performance is suffering so much. I started this job last May and I can't believe I've lasted so long but I don't think I can last much longer there. I wake up everyday miserable and come home late every night even worse.

I can't even bring myself to search for jobs anymore thats the problem. I have very little motivation. I can just about get myself up for work every morning but other than that I dont want to do much else. I try to look for jobs but I'm just too picky.. I'm so scared of just going from one job I hate to another. When I do find a job I might like to do though I convince myself not to apply and that I'm not good enough for anything. I don't feel like I'd be good at any job though..

What I really want to do is something in the creative industry.. I'm really interested in getting into dressmaking or something but it's so hard to get into the industry. I want to maybe go back to college but I don't even have the motivation for that. The last time I went to college a few years ago I had the worst 2 years of my life and I struggled so much. I don't think I could have a repeat of that.

I don't know what I'm meant to do.. I feel so trapped and it's like the life is being sucked out of me. I just want to give up completely on life because I don't see it getting better than this. I'm too lazy and unmotivated to even try and help myself anymore.

And I've got no one else to talk to about this as well other than my boyfriend. We only get to see each other about 3-5 times a month though and I hate it. He has alot of his own problems at the moment anyway so I don't really want to keep bothering him. There's not much he can do anyway.

I just don't think I'll ever be happy...