I can't keep going on like this....

Hello everyone,

I haven't posted here for a while really.. I dont come on here much but Im so horribly depressed and I dont know what to do still...

I've been stuck with this horrible job that I hate so badly and it's almost killing me to continue on working there. The people and staff are all lovely but the hours are horrible and my work performance is suffering so much. I started this job last May and I can't believe I've lasted so long but I don't think I can last much longer there. I wake up everyday miserable and come home late every night even worse.

I can't even bring myself to search for jobs anymore thats the problem. I have very little motivation. I can just about get myself up for work every morning but other than that I dont want to do much else. I try to look for jobs but I'm just too picky.. I'm so scared of just going from one job I hate to another. When I do find a job I might like to do though I convince myself not to apply and that I'm not good enough for anything. I don't feel like I'd be good at any job though..

What I really want to do is something in the creative industry.. I'm really interested in getting into dressmaking or something but it's so hard to get into the industry. I want to maybe go back to college but I don't even have the motivation for that. The last time I went to college a few years ago I had the worst 2 years of my life and I struggled so much. I don't think I could have a repeat of that.

I don't know what I'm meant to do.. I feel so trapped and it's like the life is being sucked out of me. I just want to give up completely on life because I don't see it getting better than this. I'm too lazy and unmotivated to even try and help myself anymore.

And I've got no one else to talk to about this as well other than my boyfriend. We only get to see each other about 3-5 times a month though and I hate it. He has alot of his own problems at the moment anyway so I don't really want to keep bothering him. There's not much he can do anyway.

I just don't think I'll ever be happy...

I hope that you can find some relief. Being trapped in anything is terrible; coupling that with depression makes matters that much worse. But please do take this into consideration, coming from someone who is not employed - it is easier to find a job when you have one.

I know, I just wish I could find it easier to search I guess

Thought questions (no need to answer):
How likely is it that declining work performance will eventually result in your termination?
How likely is it that psychic exhaustion will lead to a breakdown?
How likely is it that general exhaustion will lead to an on-the-job accident? How severe could that accident be?
How likely is it that general exhaustion will lead to a traffic accident?

Do you have anyone at work with whom you can discuss these seriously without fear of repercussion?

Hello Downfall, your post resonates with me because your story sounds so much like mine. I actually like the work I do. My problem is I have 5 bosses and you can't please all five of those bosses. The biggest problem is a hostile, negative, over demanding atmosphere created by the upper management. Nothing we do is ever good enough. Today was not so bad because everyone left me alone. But it was other co-workers who got the nasty treatment. Tomorrow it might be my turn again.

I started looking for jobs, got rejection e-mails and got discouraged. I am also having difficulty making the time or having the energy to seek another job. I work 10 to 12 hours a day so I am basically too exhausted to think when I get home from work. I also think depression makes it hard for a person to get motivated to do things.

I have days I do not want to keep working where I am at, but I can't afford to quit either.

I am hoping you can find something you would truly enjoy doing, and then find a way to get into a job that fits. Best of wishes.

Hugs to you. Hope things ease up somehow. Work stress is the worst.

I must say, I know what you mean entirely. I've been struggling with many of the same problems you've mentioned said for the past several months now, maybe even longer than that with previous jobs I've worked. The whole job situation is very frustrating. Constantly running off to a job you hate everyday and meanwhile when you try to search for another job, you've tried searching so many times, or attempted so many things the past several years to the point to where you feel like you're just running in circles not really getting anywhere, or wondering if you really want some of the jobs you're looking at, and then just starting to feel like what's the point. You then start to really question what is it that you want in life, where is your life headed, what are you really interested in, and what type of job or career do you want to work that you will enjoy and look forward to, or at the very least, tolerate. It gets very depressing, and this issue, on top of other issues you may have or other things that bother you just really makes you start to hate everything in life in general, and detest everyday. I struggle with all of this as well.

I don't know if this is exactly any advice or not, but all I try to do for the most part is when I'm not at work, I try to enjoy every moment that I'm not at work. When I have a day off or if I get sent home early, I try to go to parks, go out places, go to some local events, something. Find something that will bring some sort of excitement to your day. If it makes you feel better, just know that you're not the only one who feels like this.

Ah thanks everyone! I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this really :/ I am afraid that one day I'll lose my job though.. I'm suprised I still have one sometimes but I'm luckily I get let off alot and stuff.. Ah I guess i'll have to keep forcing myself to look really

You deserve to be happy. Out there is work that would feel at least "okay" to you, which would be better than what you have right now. Most decisions are reversible. If you got another job you hated that much, you really could find another one. Get someone to help you look at the online ads. I have gotten my best jobs from "Simply Hired" on the internet. Being very depressed requires someone helping and coaching you. It is simply too overwhelming to try to do it all on your own.

I really don't know where I could find someone to help me though.. I'm too scared/shy to ask most people