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Originally Posted by waterknob1234
Sorry if I am posting too much. I am just feeling the need to vent. This morning I woke up with a sense of dread about going to work. An anxiety attack almost. I hate worrying about what will happen at work today. I am still nursing my wounds from the big event on Wednesday when I was called into the office manager's office. I tried to stay quiet and stay out of everyone's way. At one point today I contemplated ending my life, but of course decided against it. I always come up with reasons to stay here, even if I am hurting.
In spite of how I feel, the day was not so bad. It was a busy day at work but everyone left me alone. For this I am thankful, and God answered my desperate prayers. I wish I could overcome my negative feelings and be a better mom to my adult children.
Sorry for the long post. Just needed to vent.
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I know something about that feeling of waking up with dread about going to work. I had the same feeling this morning. Nobody is giving me trouble at work but I am in a very strange situation where I have very little to do but no one seems to care. My daughter says it's a gift right now since I have been so sick. But I keep wondering how long that can go on before they wonder why they're paying me to do so little. But there is plenty they could do to market my services and they just aren't doing it. It's been that way for the last four months. Anyway, I'm glad you decided to keep living and that the day wasn't so bad and that no one bothered you. I get tired of feeling desperate, too, and of telling God how scared I am. Overcoming those negative feelings certainly is a hard and long journey.
