Yeah, right now I'm torn between doing this and finishing school first. In March I dropped out of high school. To make a long story short, there was a lot of bullying and pressure which, on top of my depression, I couldn't handle. My parents let me drop out and my mom promised she would enroll me in online school so I can at least finish HS. Well, that still hasn't happened. I've been on her case about it a lot lately, so I'm holding my breath and seeing if anything will get done soon. I'm thinking I should finish school before I go looking for work. With my depression and everything else, there's really no way I could handle the pressure of both school and a job at the same time. So I have to choose between one or the other. I would like to finish school first, thing is, I might be 30 before my mom ever gets around to enrolling me, meanwhile I don't think I can stand it here for very much longer. Very difficult situation.

Money's not an issue. I'm on programs that will pay for therapy, and I've had therapy before. The problem is transportation. My parents don't have a car, and we currently rely on my 80-year-old grandpa to drive us places, which isn't really safe as he's losing his memory and just isn't that reliable, is late a lot of the time and drives really slow. (My mom has had a few close calls being in the car with him, almost got into a serious wreck more than once, plus he got them both lost before.) Especially since winter's coming and driving conditions get even worse then, I really don't feel safe riding with him. There's no one else to take me, and there's no place close enough to walk. Everything's waaay out there. No groups near me really, or at least not near enough to walk, especially when it gets cold and snowy. Winters can be rough here.

This reminds me of early spring through summer of this year when I walked to the library every day to use their Wi-Fi because we didn't have home internet at the time. It was a nice little escape. I miss it. Now it's fall and getting chilly. I've been trying to find a break in the weather to go one more time before it gets too cold to walk, but we've been having a lot of rain lately. I'm worried because I won't be able to really get out and walk anymore once winter comes and the weather gets bad, which means I'll lose that escape. I'll basically have to spend the winter inside and I don't know if I'll be able to handle that. Winters can get bad here.

There's really no support groups near or around me. There's a helluva lot of churches, but my beliefs are more Pagan/Wiccan, so I wouldn't really be welcome in that kind of setting. But lately I just find it hard to believe in anything anymore. I hope I haven't offended you by saying so, if Christianity is your belief. But that's how I feel.