Things aren't going to get any better...

Getting really tired of my current life. It seems like nothing ever changes, every day is like the last. It's gotten cloudy again, which doesn't help my mood. Parents are drinking, which is giving me all this anxiety. I expect them to start fighting at any time. I need a change, but I don't know how to make it happen by myself. I have no support IRL, can't get a therapist or meds. I basically have nothing and it's making me hopelessly frustrated and sad. I feel like giving up more and more. I'm tired of people telling me things will get better. When? When will things get ****ing better?? Things have been bad for so long and nothing has improved. In fact, it's more like things have gotten worse and are continuing to get worse. I wake up every day with nothing at all to look forward to. I have no friends and nowhere to go. People say I should be grateful to just be alive, but I am not. Just living isn't enough. I feel so trapped in my life. I'm old enough now, I could get my own job, save up for an apartment and get the **** out of this house, but there are no jobs here. Well, there's fast food of course, but we all know a person can't live on that. So I am stuck here for who knows how long. I'm trying to figure out how I'll get through a whole winter like this.

I'm at a point where suicide is on my mind a lot. I know saying this a lot of people will want to give me the usual responses that don't help. "Things will get better eventually." "Hang in there, something will turn up." "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." "Think of all the people you'd hurt if you left." And so on. But I don't see why I should stay here when I'm only merely existing and have nothing to offer this world. I'm losing my capacity to care. This isn't to say I'm actively making plans or anything. I do have what I guess might be considered a plan, but I'm a ***** and would probably never go through with it because I'm scared of pain and afraid I would survive it. I really don't think I want to die, I'm just incredibly sick of living this way and there is literally no way out. I don't expect anyone to give me some miracle answer that will fix everything and make me see life in a new light. I really don't know why I'm posting this. I feel like I'm beyond help. Like I've already said, I can't get therapy or meds, and I am basically on my own as far as support goes...I don't know...I guess I'm hopeless. That's the way I feel.

I have a suggestion. It's true, you probably wouldn't be able to live off of a fast-food-joint salary, but it may be better than having no income at all. Save up, and get the heck outta there!

Hi ShyPoetGirl, when you say you can't get therapy or meds is money/insurance an issue? There are sliding scale clinics that can work with you on prices. I have insurance now but when I didn't my place costed 10 dollars a visit and even in really bad times when I didn't have that, they worked with me.

I didn't have anywhere to go either, I still barely do but now I go to a group 2 times a week offered at the clinic I get my meds and therapy from. A therapist runs it, and we just talk about stuff like friends would then talk about serious stuff and offer advice if wanted, do arts and crafts. Could you see if there's any groups you could get to near you? It's nice to get out of the house and make friends and kinda feel like you belong.

I hope my answers don't offend you, you sound really upset. I just wish you the best and hope things look up for you.

I know the feelings all too well.
When I felt stuck, I walked to our library, which took over an hour or more. I didn't care. When there, I felt such a peace. No yelling. No screaming. No drunk dad or overmedicated mom. I did this every day until I found some confidence to get a fast food chain job. I asked around, if anyone was looking for a roommate. In time. I got the ***** outta there. It wasn't easy. I worked hard. Got a better job & was able to get my own place. It was an efficiency apartment, & it was all mine. I went to an animal shelter & got myself a kitten for companionship. I learned to socialize & make a couple friends. It wasn't always easy. I had to wear many masks to pretend I was human & liked humans. From time to time, I was surprised to find out I was a human with feelings & actually liked humans. Whenever I could, here & there, I did attend free group therapy.
I babbled.
That's just me.
*big warm friendship hug*

Hi there!

I've never been in your shoes but I've been stuck once. I woke up everyday filled of desperation for a change but no tools to make it happen. I went to places, did things, wasted time but still at the end of the day I'd be alone and forgotten.

Are there any support groups around there? Some Church groups or such? I'm not a big fan of modern Christianity but believing in something helps alot of people. I too believe in something; me.

You're not alone in this.

Yeah, right now I'm torn between doing this and finishing school first. In March I dropped out of high school. To make a long story short, there was a lot of bullying and pressure which, on top of my depression, I couldn't handle. My parents let me drop out and my mom promised she would enroll me in online school so I can at least finish HS. Well, that still hasn't happened. I've been on her case about it a lot lately, so I'm holding my breath and seeing if anything will get done soon. I'm thinking I should finish school before I go looking for work. With my depression and everything else, there's really no way I could handle the pressure of both school and a job at the same time. So I have to choose between one or the other. I would like to finish school first, thing is, I might be 30 before my mom ever gets around to enrolling me, meanwhile I don't think I can stand it here for very much longer. Very difficult situation.

Money's not an issue. I'm on programs that will pay for therapy, and I've had therapy before. The problem is transportation. My parents don't have a car, and we currently rely on my 80-year-old grandpa to drive us places, which isn't really safe as he's losing his memory and just isn't that reliable, is late a lot of the time and drives really slow. (My mom has had a few close calls being in the car with him, almost got into a serious wreck more than once, plus he got them both lost before.) Especially since winter's coming and driving conditions get even worse then, I really don't feel safe riding with him. There's no one else to take me, and there's no place close enough to walk. Everything's waaay out there. No groups near me really, or at least not near enough to walk, especially when it gets cold and snowy. Winters can be rough here.

This reminds me of early spring through summer of this year when I walked to the library every day to use their Wi-Fi because we didn't have home internet at the time. It was a nice little escape. I miss it. Now it's fall and getting chilly. I've been trying to find a break in the weather to go one more time before it gets too cold to walk, but we've been having a lot of rain lately. I'm worried because I won't be able to really get out and walk anymore once winter comes and the weather gets bad, which means I'll lose that escape. I'll basically have to spend the winter inside and I don't know if I'll be able to handle that. Winters can get bad here.

There's really no support groups near or around me. There's a helluva lot of churches, but my beliefs are more Pagan/Wiccan, so I wouldn't really be welcome in that kind of setting. But lately I just find it hard to believe in anything anymore. I hope I haven't offended you by saying so, if Christianity is your belief. But that's how I feel.