I have this problem I don't want to start any activity that I cannot use for work. there are many things that would be useful for it or future applications or things I am still to learn by self-study.
because I think I am never good enough for a job or whatever. and it is also true because otherwise I wouldn't be sitting at home right now.

before I used to sew sometimes or knit or try to make nice things for myself. but at a point I realized I could buy much nicer things if I was only working half the time I needed to make them. and also I was never satisfied with what I made.

I would like to read books but I am choosing them because I think they are useful or at least make me feel educated. just for fun I wouldn't do anything I guess. I'd be fine lying in my bed staring at the ceiling. dreaming about stuff. forever. forgetting I am existing.